You’ve probably noticed that the lovely Elite girls have all been busy lately filling out questionnaires on the Elite Courtesans blog. The idea being that their answers will help you better understand their personalities, and maybe aid you in your decision of who to book. I thought I would have a go at it too, since I wrote the questions and it’s turned out to be good fun. So, here goes…

What’s your occupation?
Owner of Elite Courtesans. I run the agency with my Brazilian best friend, Lisa (pronounced Lee-za). We also dabble in web design and SEO. Usually some other hair-brained scheme on the go too.

Star Sign
Scorpio

What attracted you to escorting?
The naughty sex first, the money second. There is a lot of both to be had if you do things right. But this is not an industry for lazy bastards who sleep all day and can’t keep appointments, no matter how pretty they are.

Which other Elite girls have you met in person?
All of them of course! We interview the girls in person, we join them at their photoshoots and we also hold parties and get-togethers. I miss Taylor, Emma and Fran – all good friends – but good to see them off to do their own (very different) things.

What turns you on?
Loads of different things, but nothing traditional. Being turned on by things outside of the norm is I guess what makes someone cut out for this kind of work. My big TV crush is Tony Soprano. Go figure. Maybe it’s a bad boys thing?

What turns you off?
Arrogance (yes, I know some of you think I’m arrogant). Passive-aggressive behaviour. Attempts to patronise me.

Favourite drink?
It used to be Jack Daniels. Nowadays a Tiger beer or a Vodka, lime and soda will suffice. For cocktails it’s the Caipirinha – the best I’ve tasted being at Gauchos in Piccadilly. I’m a notorious binge drinker so I try not to touch alcohol that often. Most times I do, I wake up the next day in a skip with a cone on my head. In times past I’ve done things that would make Keith Richards blush.

Most beautiful/interesting/favourite place in the world you’ve visited and why:
I’m lucky to have travelled a lot, but I think my absolute favourite place is New York. Flying into JFK, jumping in a cab, driving through Queens and then BAM, that skyline hits you. Fucking hell, it’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen. I love the place. Second to that, anywhere in the Indian Ocean where I can snorkel and scuba dive to my heart’s content. I love the ocean and marine life.

You’re on death row (probably for shagging some poor guy to death). You can choose one last meal and one movie to watch while you eat it. Name them:
I probably didn’t get to the shagging part. He probably said something to offend me so I bludgeoned him with my handbag. Food wise, I’m going to have a steak, chunky chips and a tomato and red onion salad soaked in salt, vinegar and oil. My movie would be The Big Lebowski, dude! Aside from being a wonderfully clever and funny film, its soundtrack heavily features Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of my all time fav bands.

Do you have a favourite author?
I love Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Robert Rankin and Spike Milligan. But my all time favourite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse 5 is such a tremendous book, it should be read by everyone (come on, it will be the best £4.77 you’ve ever spent). I’m a history graduate, so I also love historical non-fiction, especially anything on the English Civil War, and the First and Second World Wars. Lastly, Motley Crue’s The Dirt is a cracking read. Buy it, take it on holiday, whatever. Those guys were mental. You don’t have to like their shit hair metal to LOVE this book (though I do).

If ITV (or even Hollywood) made a TV series about your escorting escapades, who would you like to see play the lead role?
I don’t really look like any famous person, dead or alive. A client once complained that I looked nothing like Cindy Crawford. Given that I never once made any claims that I did look like her (because I don’t), the complaint came as a bit of shock. So I’ll go with her.

If you were a car, what type would you be and why?
Who wrote this bloody stupid question? Ummm, I’d have to say a carefully maintained Renault 5 GT Turbo in electric blue. Way past its sell by date, but still a glorious machine with loads of poke.

We know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but what other less extravagant gifts make you smile?
I’m not particularly materialistic, but I’d like a Rolex. I guess that’s still pretty extravagant though. Ah well, tough.

Stockings or hold ups?
Neither. Nora Batty opaque tights and big pair of bloomers.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?
While the Stones wrote some corkers, the Beatles are wonderfully diverse and so much better.

Lisa or Suzy?
Suzy any day of the week. Lisa smells.

The post All About Suzy appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

With the increased popularity of Twitter over recent months, both with our girls and our clients, we thought it would be a good idea to note down some ‘Twitter Etiquette’. This will help you – our clients – understand what we feel is an acceptable use of the service and hopefully stop problems before they begin.

What We Like
We love the banter between the agency, the girls and the clients. We like to learn more about our clients and we enjoy the short day to day chit chat that Twitter allows for.

We like the increased excitement and anticipation Twitter can bring to both clients and girls.

We see Twitter as a way that our girls can express themselves (sorry that sounds so wanky), and anything that helps clients learn more about the girls they are going to meet can only be a good thing. Do follow them and read their ramblings!

What We Do Not Like
Clients relentlessly tweeting the ladies throughout the day (same goes for direct messages). See tweets no differently to text messages. If you sent an escort 20 text messages a day you would quickly be blacklisted as a pest – regardless of whether you booked her or not. Don’t make the same mistake here. Once the girls see you as a pain, nothing we say to them will change that. Please be very respectful of their time.

Please do not ask the girls directly about their availability, minimum booking times, rates or their services. For any business type questions, speak to the agency by email or on 07728 554 754.

Who is Using Twitter?
We do not ask the girls to post on Twitter. It’s really up to them if they have the time or the inclination to do so. Please, please don’t let the fact that a lady doesn’t have a Twitter account put you off booking her! If she has passed a Suzy or Lisa interview you can be sure of three things: she’s drop dead gorgeous, she has a thoroughly engaging personality and she’s an exceptionally naughty and fun companion. Twitter or no Twitter.

I think that’s covered it. Any questions, problems or worries that I am talking about you in particular (i’m probably not), you know where I am.

Suzy x

The post Twitter Etiquette appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I’m really supposed to be packing…Elite Towers is moving to a new location in a few days. Ever the procrastinator though I thought i’d pay my blog a bit of attention instead – it’s been very poorly neglected of late. What’s prompted me to write is a comment made to me by a client in the last few days. I guess it shocked me a little:

“I like your agency Suzy because you don’t let your girls sleep with black men.”

Now I would like to start by saying this isn’t a dig at the client. His prejudices do not concern me, but his perception of our agency does. I’ll mention right now that the above statement is not true. What’s clear is that at some point in the past, one of the Elite girls has told him this supposed statement of fact, either because she had misconstrued something that was said to her during her interview, or simply because she’d never met any black Elite clients and was jumping to conclusions.

The question of race has always has always been hotly debated on punting forums. There are two camps: Camp A who feel sex workers should see anyone regardless of race, age, disability, sex etc (this group almost entirely consists of punters), and Camp B who feel sex workers have the right to choose who they see (consists most sex workers and sensible punters).

You’ve already guessed which camp I am in. Yes, there are discrimination laws and they exist for a very good reason. But you cannot compare working as an accountant or a hairdresser to working as a prostitute. The job is quite unlike any other. To allow a man to penetrate you, stick their tongue and penis in your mouth, to grope and fondle you – these are all incredibly intimate acts. It’s important that both sides are comfortable and up for it. When one side is unwilling and unhappy with the situation…well, we all know what that really means don’t we. Why demand people put themselves in that position?

‘Ah’, Camp A will say ‘you’re providing a service, no different to a plumber, you should be happy to see anyone and everyone and not discriminate.’ The irony is, punters who make these statements are the first ones that complain if they feel a girl is offering a going-through-the-motions type service (yeah, much like a plumber would); they hate feeling like they are one of many and that the girl would prefer to be somewhere else. Newsflash fuck nuts, what makes your favourite girl so hot, so genuine, so passionate, is that she is actually enjoying herself. She has chosen to see you of her own free will. She has not been told that as a hooker, she has to shag anyone and everyone that crosses her path, regardless of her personal preferences, prejudices and turn offs. You can’t have it both fucking ways!

As for us, I will say quite categorically that as an agency we do not exclude people based on the colour of their skin. It’s daft, in our opinion unnecessary and it really makes terrible business sense. But that doesn’t mean we ignore personal preferences and force girls into bookings they are not comfortable with – we are not pimps. We strike a balance.

So who do we exclude as an agency? We do exclude clients (regardless of colour) who have travelled from countries where the incidence of HIV infection is high. We are not going to risk our girls’ health with a client who comes from a country where 20% of the adult population has HIV. You may call that racism, we call it common sense. It’s been drummed into us over many years by NHS GUM clinics and we stick to their advice. I can only assume that in order to satisfy their white, middle-class, armchair liberalism, Camp A would expect us to suck the cocks of these guys uncovered (after all, that’s what we do with British clients). But fuck Camp A – much like crossing the road, sex work is all about taking calculated risks. When we stop calculating those risks, we’re doomed.

For us, race is a minor issue. A far more frequently exercised exclusion is being a MASSIVE DICKHEAD. Camp A can rest easy on this one. In our experience, being a massive dickhead transcends race and political borders.

The post The Question of Race appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

It’s amazing how my creative juices start flowing when I have far more important things to be doing. Oh well.

I wanted to write about breasts. Or tits, norks, boobs, bristols, funbags…whatever you prefer to call them. One thing i’ve noticed while working at an escort agency is the amount of requests for slim girls with large natural breasts. It seems that some men, while loving big boobs on small frames, are not fans of enhanced cleavage at all. These guys will actually refuse a stunning girl with a fantastic personality and wonderful feedback, solely on account of her ‘fake’ boobs. The two main complaints being:

• fake boobs do not look right;
• fake boobs do not feel right.

While it’s true that bad or over the top boob jobs are recognisable from a mile away, not all the menfolk I talk to (and I talk to a lot) can spot a good boob job. I’ve even been asked if 32FF boobs on a dress size 6, 5ft 3″ framed girl are real. I can’t help but wonder, with photoshopping and/or breast augmentation being so prevalent in porn, glamour and everywhere else you find naked women these days, do all men realise what your average pair of large natural breasts look like without a bra on? Or that it’s not that common for a skinny girl to have massive natural tits?

In many cases, naturally big boobs don’t look like those below, of which all but one have been sculpted by a surgeon. The girl with the real boobs is lucky enough to be slim with large, evenly formed, gravity defying breasts. Generally though, slender girls tend to have smaller boobs. And those girls that have naturally big boobs tend to have some degree of drooping. None the less, I would consider these good boob jobs – they are how many people today think big, natural boobs should look.

Which pair are actually real? Maybe my readers are more boob saavy than some of my callers (I will publish the result in my next blog)?

So despite claiming to detest them, I find some guys are generally not able to spot boob jobs, much less good boob jobs. Reason = confusion over what big, natural tits often really look like? And while many men claim to prefer natural boobs, it’s not rare to read negative comments about so and so’s big natural breasts ‘being a bit saggy’. I wonder where these critics get their benchmarking standards? From girls with enhanced tits, maybe?

I have naturally large breasts. They are a bit soft, they do droop, one’s a bit bigger than the other and my nipples are big. They’ve been this way since I was a teenager. Here they are lying in the bath yesterday, squeezed together for a bit of extra volume. If I stood up, would they look like any of the breasts pictured above? Nope. Would some natural breast enthusiasts find my large, droopy breasts unattractive? Probably. Can we win? With some people, no.

Suzy’s Squeezed Boobage

I’m rambling and finding it hard to make my point so I will end here. Since my last blog was about a girl’s right to choose who she sees, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to demand that men who hate fake breasts book girls with fake breasts. But the fact that some men refuse escorts when they couldn’t tell, without asking, that their breasts were enhanced (we are too honest for our own good sometimes), baffles me entirely. I can almost guarantee that some of the busty girls they visit elsewhere fib about their cleavage status anyway.

The post Titty Titty Bang Bang appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I’ve got Dermot O’Leary in to announce the tit poll results. Read the next paragraph in his voice:

The telephone lines have closed. The votes have been counted. I can now reveal that the winner of this year’s Tit Factor is…….*9 minute pause*

D!

So yeah, it was D. Those magnificent boobies belong to Elite Courtesan Jennifer. In total, 8 of you guessed correctly, but 13 felt C were the real ones, and 12 felt E were real. Nope – both enhanced, but very good boob jobs. A trailed with 6 votes and B even more so with only 3.

Well done to the 8 (19%) of you that guessed correctly – wear your smug faces with pride. The rest of you, I bloody told you so!

Suzy x

The post Titty Titty Bang Bang: The Results appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

A bit of self-indulgence if I may. I started this blog on Monday night when I was half pissed on red wine (it’s good for you). Anyway, I was squiffy, listening to some tunes and I came up with a great idea! Why not blog my top 10 female singers/musicians of all time? Humour me please – you might hear something you like. Even better, you might be able to recommend me some stuff. I’m a total music geek and love listening to new (or old) music.

These beauties are in no particular order and they totally make the world a better place:

Singer, front woman and total legend Poly Styrene recently died – RIP Poly. She followed my personal Twitter account and I don’t think i’ve ever been so chuffed. Tit hungry Skype philanderer Jason Manford also followed me but that was less impressive. On behalf of the wonderfully unique Poly, all I can say is this: oh cancer, up yours!

I would have called my baby Gloria but my husband reckoned she’d sound like a pensioner from birth. I still think Gloria is the coolest name on the planet, and it’s all because of this song. In particular this version by the sensational Patti Smith. If ‘Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine’ is not the best opening line ever, i’ll eat my hat.

I say alt, you say country! It was a toss up between Neko Case and Jenny Lewis for this entry. I love them both dearly, but I think Neko just pips Jenny to the post. It’s the sort of music that brings me out in goosebumps, and she’s just as marvelous live too. Also, she likes animals. I like animals. We should be friends.

Being a bumpkin like me means extra kudos points. But Polly Jean Harvey does not need those extra points, she’s awesome in every respect. This song is off her latest album but her entire back catalogue is great.

I imagine if you cheated on Martha she’d cut your cock off, slit your throat and then bury you under the patio. I would not recommend it. She’s not as famous as she should be and her self-titled album is fantastic from start to finish.

Hey, it’s that crazy bird from Iceland that used to go out with Tricky! Damn right it is. Bjork is fabulous, except for that ‘It’s Oh So Quiet’ track which I hate. This vid was directed by Chris Cunningham. If you like it, you should also check out Aphex Twin’s Come to Daddy and Windowlicker videos too.

Never let it be said that Suzy isn’t street and down with the kids. What’s that you say grandad? Turn it down? No fucking chance! I’ve just checked M.I.A’s Wiki and she’s 36 years old, meaning she was 29 when this video was recorded. She looks about 16, the bitch. Them be good genes. She’s fabulous and Arular is my favourite album.

I don’t know who this dude smoking and dancing is, but he made me laugh. Kelley Deal is the twin sister of Kim Deal – think Breeders, Pixies, Amps etc. Anything that involves either, or better both, of these ladies is tops in my book. Kelley used to be big into booze and heroin, but now prefers a spot of knitting. Sensible policy.

I *love* Joni Mitchell. I usually listen to this on Sunday mornings when i’m cleaning the house. Actually, that’s a lie, I usually listen to this on Sunday mornings when i’m in my pit sporting a hangover. The album Blue is a beautifully melodic masterpiece. It’s like having your mum sat next to you in bed, reading a story. Blue is one big bloody cuddle.

Can you imagine having a top 10 female singers list that didn’t include Kate Bush? She’s totally mental and I love her for it. I can thank my mum for introducing me to this one, as she used to play it non-stop when I was a kid. I’d occasionally catch her cartwheeling around the living room too. I like to carry that tradition on.

So there you have it…and it wasn’t easy. I didn’t manage to squeeze in Tori Amos, Cocteau Twins, Le Tigre or Janis Joplin to name a few. I hope they won’t be too cross.

So what’s your top 10? Would love it if you added your list to my comments so I can check them out.

The post Girl Power appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I published this article a few years back elsewhere on the web, but thought I would re-work it a little for my blog. Usually I write for clients but this time it’s for other sex workers. It’s a bit of an essay if I’m honest – have you got tea and Jaffa Cakes to hand? Good, then I’ll begin.

Working safely as an escort, whether it’s independently or part of an agency, is crucial. If you don’t, at best, your time will be repeatedly wasted. At worst, well, you don’t need me to tell you what could happen. One thing we know at Elite Courtesans is outcalls. And we know how to do them safely. So for those of you starting out in the industry, I’ve listed some pointers below to help you stay safe and minimise time wasters as much as possible.

1. Don’t ever answer calls from withheld numbers. In fact, go a step further and download a blocker app for your mobile phone – you can then block withheld calls without ever being disturbed. The reason every escort on the planet lists ‘no private numbers’ on her website is because the men who hide behind 141 are exclusively douchebags that will waste your time.

2. Don’t respond to texts from unknown numbers. Unless you like being strung along by bored losers who will eventually send you a picture of their erect penis, that is. Assume if a guy doesn’t initiate first contact with a polite telephone call, he’s either 15, or a time waster. Also beware the guys who call briefly and then bombard you with texts. If you’ve taken my advice and downloaded a blocker app, add them straight to the sin bin. If not, save them in your phone as ZZ Monkey Fucker (or whatever), so you know never to respond to them in the future. The ZZ means they sit at the end of the your contact list. Out of sight, out of mind.

3. Don’t take bookings over email. Really? Yes, really. While it’s OK to answer initial queries over email (don’t get too carried away, email time wasters are just as prevalent), always speak to the potential client before accepting a booking. Chatting on the phone is absolutely the only way to get a good feeling (or not) for the guy. Your ‘escort telephone sense’ will develop rapidly.

4. How to spot a time waster on the phone. It’s mostly common sense, but none the less when you’re new this can be daunting. Here are some tell-tale signs the call should be terminated: is he going into excessive detail about outfits or services? Did he initially ask for a 1 hour booking and then accept without question that the minimum booking time for his area is 3 hours? Has he asked for an overnight booking, money no object (not always time wasters but treat with caution)? Is he asking to meet at a Travelodge (more on this later), bed and breakfast, halls of residence, army barracks, in his office or at ‘a friend’s’ house? Has he told you he has a big cock and is amazing in bed? In my very extensive experience, genuine customers have the utmost respect for your time, and do not keep you on the phone longer than a quick chat and to arrange the details. Anyone who yaps on for ages, bin em!

Remember, not everyone who is a time waster knows they are a time waster. Some men are just complete fantasists who will pull out of the booking when the time comes close. If you get an inkling that you’re dealing with one of those (overly nervous, hesitant etc), don’t bother with the booking in the first place.

5. Verifying identities – private residences. For outcalls to private residences, take his full name, address and landline telephone number. We use 192.com to check the electoral roll online (this will also bring up directory enquiries and info from companies house). Once verified, don’t forget to call the client on his landline, or have him call you, to confirm that he is actually at that address.

Of course, life isn’t always that easy. Clients can opt-out of the online electoral role AND their landlines can be ex-directory. In this scenario, I always Google his numbers – mobile and landline – using all different variations 01234555555, 01234 555555 and 01234 555 555. Those spaces do make a difference in Google! Sometimes you will score a hit – a business website, advert, whatever (must be a good source) that verifies his name and address. Don’t forget to check out his email address too, if you have it.

Failing that, at Elite we will ALWAYS get proof of address, and this means asking him to scan in or photograph a bill and email it to us (a phone bill showing the landline or mobile is ideal). Genuine clients do not mind doing this. I can’t remember the last time I was ever refused. Don’t feel that as an independent escort you won’t get away with being so ‘demanding’ – you will – and it might just be your saving grace.

Still no luck? Hotel meet only then for this client.

6. Visiting hotels. Hotels are much easier. In this case, you want the client’s full name, hotel details and his reservation number (if it’s an advance booking). If he’s already in the hotel, and it’s the day of the meeting, you’ll need his room number.

The first rule of hotel bookings is: never leave home until the client has checked in and you have called his room to verify that he is there. For short notice hotel bookings, I will always confirm the name the client gave me with reception before being put through to the room: ‘Hi, I’d like to speak to Mr Andy Davies, I think he’s in room 212, can you double-check that’s right before putting me through?’

For advance bookings to hotels, as well as ringing the room on the day, I will always call the hotel to check the reservation beforehand. I don’t think I’ve ever once been asked who I am – receptionists just assume I’m the client’s wife or his PA. So just something like: ‘Hi, I’m just calling to double-check you have Mr Mohammed Aziz booked in for Sept 1st?’ No justifications needed – sound confident, don’t talk too much and make sure you have the correct spelling.

I’d always recommend calling again on the day of the booking to check the client hasn’t cancelled his reservation. If he has, you can put yourself back on the rota for that night with hopefully enough time to spare to find a replacement client!

Regarding names, musical sounding concoctions such as ‘Steve Smith’ or ‘Andy Anderson’ should put you on your guard. And if anyone asks why you need their surname or real name, hang up and stick them on a blacklist. The good ones never ask.

A note about hotels. Avoid the Travelodge – they don’t have telephones in the rooms. Always check with Premier Inns (hit and miss) and other budget hotels that they have phones in rooms before fully accepting a booking there. Also, if you’ve never heard of the hotel the client is proposing, check it out online. If it’s 7 bedroom family run hotel or a run down bolt-hole for dossers and drug addicts, AVOID.

Lastly, late night visits to hotels can raise eyebrows at the front desk and cause problems, especially as doors often get locked. Do you really want to work through the night? What type of client is going to call you out at 1am? A drunk one, most probably.

7. Money. You should only ever accept payment in cash – Pounds Sterling. Do not accept foreign currency that you are not used to handling. Do not accept cheques, even from regulars, they will be cancelled. Ask for the cash within the first 5 minutes of meeting and COUNT IT. If you wish, do it in the bathroom. Never fall into the trap of not checking cash. Sometimes a simple miscount on the client’s behalf can leave you out-of-pocket. Buy and use a forged note detector pan on a few notes if you are unsure. Hide the cash well in your bag, preferably in a zip pocket/hidden compartment. Your bag never leaves your side during the booking. If you go to the loo, the bag goes too!

8. Instinct is the best protection you have. Always trust it. Hopefully, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, you’ll never be short of work. But if you do find yourself running low, still never take risks that you wouldn’t entertain normally. If you walk into a hotel room or a house and something doesn’t feel right, say you left your condoms in the car and leave (don’t take his cash). If your client is drunk, on drugs or obnoxious/aggressive, leave. If you find more than one man waiting for you, leave. Again, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, most guys you meet will make a real effort for your date, be thoroughly lovely and treat you like a princess, but the odd tosser can always slip through the net.

9. Sexual health. Get yourself to your local sexual health clinic and get checked regularly. Tell them you’re a sex worker – I used to give a fake name, my real DOB, no address and just a mobile. They accepted this. You’ll get a completely different level of care from your normal girl about town if you are honest with them. Make sure you get throat swabs and tell them if you offer anal so they can check there too. If they don’t offer you it, ask for the fast tracked Hepatitis B jabs.

During your booking, give the client a discreet once over before the fun begins (if the client turns out the lights, that’s not normal, turn them back on). If you see anything out of the ordinary, don’t take the risk. Condoms do not protect against warts, herpes etc that can spread over the groin and beyond.  Don’t offer OWO if you have bleeding gums, open mouth sores or have been to the dentist. Don’t let guys come near your eyes or nose. Don’t offer CIM without being fully aware of the risks. Swap condoms regularly during vigorous intercourse to reduce the risk of them breaking. Doing a duo (two escorts)? Make sure the client swaps condoms between girls.

10. Discretion. Knowing a girl who was stalked by a nutter recently (he came across as totally normal to begin with), this section is particularly important to me. Keep your real name to yourself. All clients will ask for it, it’s normal and understandable, but I’d recommend you give them another fake name (or none at all) and don’t tell them where you live. Don’t carry a purse full of photo ID with you (carry none in fact) and put a pin lock on your phone that must be entered before it can be browsed/used. All you need to carry is a small amount of cash for parking/emergencies (don’t forget change), your mobile, a selection of lingerie, condoms, lube, a toy etc.

I’d recommend you always crop, blur or disguise your facial features on your photos. You don’t need to show your face to work successfully. Similarly, avoid being filmed or photographed during bookings, but if you must allow it, don’t allow them to include your face. You may not have anything to lose right now, but your future may be different. You don’t want this work coming back to bite you on the ass. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for hidden cameras – it does happen! Does your client keep trying to position you in a certain way or in a certain area of the room?

11. Escort buddies. If you’re not working for an agency, ALWAYS have someone on hand to check in and out of bookings with (I’d recommend calling or texting your buddy to let them know you’ve arrived in front of your client). Be that a close friend, a partner or another escort. This person needs to know exactly where you are and what time you plan on leaving. If you don’t leave on time, they need to call your phone. If they can’t reach you, they need to call the police. This person must be trustworthy and reliable.

You’ll read countless times punters describing girls as ‘clock watchers’. What they really mean when they say this is that the escort didn’t give them any extra time for free. Don’t worry about all that bollocks. Leave your bookings not early of course, but promptly, and avoid getting into the habit of being tardy with your time. If your escort buddy is used to you hanging around bookings longer than you should, when and if something does go wrong, he/she is less likely to be concerned. If the gent wants some extra time, he can pay for it, and you can ring your buddy and say he’s paid for an extra hour (or whatever).

12. Network. Don’t forget to read the punting forums. The warnings sections can be a rich source of information. Do your bit and report any wronguns you encounter too. Here’s a few to get you started:

• Punterlink
• Saafe
• Punternet
• Captain69 (subscription only – more of a lean towards London)
• The Oldest Profession

En fin. I think. It’s possible I will think of a few other tips as time goes by which I will add to the comments. I hope some of you find this blog useful and that it helps you stay safe. Since this one has been a bit serious, I thought I’d include my favourite video clip by my favourite comedian about my least favourite hotel chain ever to finish things off. Er yeah, enjoy!

The post Working Safely as an Outcall Escort appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Yesterday I came across a piece in the Guardian, written back in 2007, called I was a Male Escort. I have no idea if it’s genuine, I actually suspect not, but taken at face value as an honest piece of writing it’s actually pretty depressing. The article was supposedly written by a well-educated young professional who got into the gay escorting scene in London. In his words, despite making lots of money, escorting was an empty experience that left him feeling sometimes scared, but ultimately cheapened and full of regret. How very sad.

It was through my job that I first came into contact with an escort…he worked for an agency that served some of the richest men in London. Within a month, I was on the books. I’d kept secret the fact I wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality.

I’ll be upfront before I go off on one: I really have no idea how the gay escort scene compares to the female equivalent in which I have earned most of my money. It could well be entirely different, or the escort that wrote the article could have simply associated himself with the wrong type of clients (Boy George, for example). Then again, it could be that he was just the wrong guy for the job. Certainly, being uncomfortable with your own sexuality is not a great way to start a sex-based career.

The sex was always empty. Being an escort is not about intimacy and certainly not about love. It is simply a transaction. There is no flow, no shared experience, just buyer and seller.

He’s right about one thing – escorting is not about love, unless you count love of the thrill and the money. But it IS about intimacy and shared experience, how can it not be? The sex I had was rarely empty…in reality, it was unusual for me to leave a booking without having made a connection with my client. I always enjoyed myself. OK, not always – some guys were selfish lovers, others boring, one or two were just the worst type of smelly munter imaginable – but on the whole the experience was a massively positive one. I met plenty of wonderful men and I had a lot of fun.

I was being asked to parade around a warehouse apartment wearing nothing but a pair of Speedos and a smile.

Oh, come on man! Parading around in your undercrackers is escort 101. I know a girl who used to wear a motorcycle helmet to keep one client happy, and a WWII gas mask contraption with another. THAT’S unusual, weird and just a little unnerving. Speedos on a cute gay guy? Standard issue.

Escorting is not so much a job as a lifestyle, and your boundaries get tested and reassessed very quickly.

As an agency owner, it’s not easy to lead a normal life (understandable). But as an escort I lived a very normal life. In between bookings I studied, had a day job and spent the weekends with friends and family who had no idea that a couple of evenings a week, I turned into a raging strumpet. It does not need to be an all-consuming career choice. Admittedly, I had to make big efforts with my diet and exercise to stay slim (I’m a natural chubber), but that was it.

Regarding boundaries, it goes without saying really, but these only get moved if you allow it. This is not trench warfare. When I first started I would only offer covered oral, but I soon moved to oral without when I realised the guys I was seeing were, on the whole, a clean and cautious bunch health-wise. Other than that, I never deviated from my original ‘will nots’ list, regardless of money offered. If you’ve started off vanilla and within a few months you’re being double-penetrated while another guy shits in your mouth, for God’s sake get out and don’t look back.

….while on the surface we were there to enjoy each other’s company, the unspoken assumption was that I had been paid for and so would do as I was told.

WRONG. It’s comments like this one that make me doubt the author’s authenticity. Yes there are bad places and bad people in the sex industry, but it would not be the norm, as a middle class, educated escort working at a high-end escort agency, to come across a client who would make such an assumption. In reality, clients find out services in advance and understand that there are limits. If the escort doesn’t offer what the client is looking for, the client will generally look elsewhere given the amount of choice. Punters do not turn into rapists the minute they meet an escort!

…in recent months, the phone has been turned off. The truth is, I’ve never felt cheaper. Valued against my morals and my dignity, the cash didn’t seem so great.

Ah. If you’re morally against paid sexual encounters, getting a job as an escort is, frankly, ludicrous. It’s like being morally against the barbaric imprisonment of baked beans in tins and then getting a job at Heinz. It will fuck you up. No matter how skint you are, no matter how much you are struggling, if you have a moral aversion to sex work don’t get into it.

I’ve sold myself for sex and will have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This is such a dramatic statement to make. It’s the sort of statement reserved for ‘I got drunk, drove my car and killed someone – I will have to live with that for the rest of my life’. Or possibly, ‘I got drunk, went on Ticketmaster and bought some NDubz tickets. Then, I got drunk again and turned up at the concert – I will have to live with that for the rest of my life’. I find incredibly hard to believe that something carried out repeatedly, of his own free will, and not being fuelled by a horrible addiction or situation, can be worthy of such a statement.

Escorting will never feature on my list of regrets. The money I earned allowed me to bring my sometimes turbulent life under control, it was an utterly empowering career choice and one of my best life decisions to date. If anything, my only regret is that I didn’t start it sooner.

I’m aware that I’m starting to sound like something from a multi-level marketing brochure – you’re no doubt expecting to see a picture of me gurning and holding one of those massive cheques. I’m also aware that as someone considered a ‘pimp’ by certain groups, my opinions will be viewed with scepticism. Nonetheless, I thought I would defend my industry, and in particular my patrons, who are too readily slammed.

Despite the negative article referred to above, the honest truth about the ‘high-end’ escorting world that I have frequented is this: most of the escorts are happy with their work, and most of the clients are nice, if not lovely. The clients may have their kinks, their perversions, they may even be cheating on their wives, but they are good people. There will always be bad clients, and there will always be the time wasters, con men and nutcases that we have to sift through (see last blog), but they are not representative of the many genuine users of escorts in the UK.

Now, who’s for a group hug? No, not you. You smell.

The post Regrets, I’ve had a Few… appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I’m getting mightily fucked off with other escort agencies nicking our pictures. Last night I ended up calling London’s Leading Ladies escort agency to ask them to remove Taylor and Eve’s pictures from their website. Despite Taylor and Eve being two entirely different girls with different bodies, faces and massively differently sized boobs, London’s Leading Ladies, or more accurately the pissed up old witch that answered the phone, swore blind the pictures belonged to her girl Nina and she’d seen the unblurred originals.

Oh do fuck off, love.

I’ve asked her to take them down but chances are she won’t. So my time will now be wasted emailing the www.londonsleadingladies.com web hosting company to take them down and also filing a DCMA report with Google to get the offending pages removed from their search engine. As you can imagine, i’ve got much better things to do with my time, for example watching my back catalogue of Colin Farrell movies and wanking.

Thought i’d publish this post so people searching londonsleadingladies.com escort agency will find this page and realise they shouldn’t book any of their girls. If Nina is using stolen pics, the others probably are too. Tweets I found searching Twitter last night suggest Taylor and Eve are not the first escorts London’s Leading Ladies have pinched from. Classic bait and switch: shady bastards.

The post Scam Escort Agency – London’s Leading Ladies appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I read somewhere that the most profitable business models tend to be those that involve the most risk; for example prostitution, drugs and guns. I can certainly attest to the financial rewards of prostitution. And while I have no doubt there is serious money to be made in drugs and guns, those business models are surely not as easy to realise.

I mean, i’ve got no idea how much a few kilos of cocaine and an array of other Class A narcotics would set you back, but I am guessing: not cheap. Similarly, a crate of AK47s must leave a big dent in your wallet…and that’s before you consider shipping costs and the perils of dealing with bat-shit-mental African dictators. But nowadays, a woman with an ounce of common sense can take some nice pictures in front of a mirror, create herself a free Adultwork profile and be earning a perfectly legal wage in no time. Isn’t prostitution brilliant?

Of course, when it comes to prostitution, there are different business models within the business itself. The woman I have referred to above setting up on Adultwork is going to do alright. If she’s attractive, intelligent and good at her job, she’ll probably earn the national wage or a bit higher and she will do so with very little outlay (she’ll need condoms, nice underwear, a sat nav and fuel in her car). But if that same woman wants to start making serious money, then she needs to approach her business a whole lot differently.

Now I reckon (know) it’s possible to earn an incredible prostitution wage with an initial outlay of about £1500. It is possible, in my experience, to earn many many times that initial outlay and live a very comfortable life indeed. Prostitution has to be one of the only business models in the world where such high earnings are possible – and so quickly – off such a small investment. I have set up and run several other ‘normal’ businesses, and typically they take thousands and thousands of pounds of your money initially while taking years to turn a profit (if ever).

So what is this initial investment? Why, professional photos of course! Which you then place on a well-established and well-run agency website. Here at Elite we send the girls to a trusted photographer in London who we know takes awesome photos that never fail to pull in the punters. Actually, the photos themselves cost between £600 & £800, but I am allowing a bit more for travel expenses to London, plus lingerie and outfit costs.

When a potential new lady comes for an interview at Elite, I explain our process as thus: we will add you a profile to the website with a few of your amateur shots. These shots will get you only a few jobs (many chaps searching at the more expensive end aren’t keen on amateur pics), and those few jobs will allow you to firstly make sure you enjoy the work, and most importantly will fund your photoshoot.

It’s very important, I tell them, not to squander the money you earn from those first few jobs on anything else and to put it to one side for the photos. If you have debts, don’t be tempted to plough the money into them. Hold back, save the cash for the photoshoot and once it’s been done, then start dealing with your debts. With professional photos, a good work ethic and the right attitude, money will be regular and plentiful. Without professional photos, work will quickly stop and you will get nowhere.

I am pleased to say that almost all of the ladies that cross my path listen to me. Some even go straight for the shoot without wasting what they see as valuable time on the initial few jobs. Either way, all these ladies are ambitious, driven and intelligent. They understand a business takes investment, and honestly, this is a very small investment in the grand scheme of things.

Every now and then though I come across someone who despite agreeing to the photo shoot during the interview, fights tooth and nail against it and spends the little bit of money I am able to send their way elsewhere, missing the point of everything. These women usually have ‘a friend’ who can do them photos for free. Nowadays I refuse these friend-taken photos point blank, but when I used to accept them they were always and without fail shit in comparison to all the other ladies’ photos on the website. Unsurprising really, as they are taken by some of the best glamour photographers in the business.

It’s very frustrating and invariably, these ladies disappear very quickly. So I thought I would write this blog and link to it from our recruitment page so future Elite ladies understand how they should approach their new venture. You have to be ambitious and business-minded to come and work for Elite Courtesans – it is definitely not a place for women who lack either of these qualities.

Of course, it would be remiss of me to suggest that good photos are the be all and end all. While they will get you the initial work, your attitude is what will see you through long term. Regular customers are your life-blood as a prostitute and I will be writing a separate blog on that soon.

Suzy x

The post Prostitution, Drugs & Guns appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

You’ve reached this page as you want to apply for a job at Elite Courtesans (excellent choice). The photos you submit at the application stage are VERY important and will make the difference between you being interviewed for one of the best paid jobs of your life, or your application being sent to the recycle bin.

Pleeeease take time to get these photos right. We are not interested in your holiday pics from Zante ’97, photos of you sat on your pet horse or selfies from a nightclub toilet. We also don’t want to see close ups of your arse or any other part of your anatomy.

Here are our guidelines on what we want, and what we don’t want. Please read them carefully.

WHAT WE WANT

• Photos taken purely for your Elite Courtesans application, either by yourself in front of a mirror, or taken by a friend (fib and say they are for something else).
• Photos taken in natural daylight.
• Photos that are clear and not blurred.
• Photos taken against a plain, uncluttered wall.
• You should be wearing two piece lingerie and heels with your midriff and face showing. Hold ups optional.
• You should be standing in your photos, though one face shot would be appreciated.
• Do put on make up (not too much) and style your hair. Show us how you would look during a booking.
• Send photos in a few poses – you can use the photos on our site for posing inspiration.

WHAT WE DO NOT WANT

• Professional photos that have been retouched.
• Fully clothed photos.
• Photos where your face cannot be clearly seen.
• Photos that were taken more than a month ago.
• Photos taken in artificial light (these always make you look terrible).
• Group photos of you and your mates (which one are you??)
• Poor quality photos either from a webcam, crap camera or taken in dim light.
• Photos in poses other than standing.

Below are some pretty much spot on pictures and these are the type you should be sending in. We have cropped the forward facing shots for discretion – your shots, however, MUST include your face.

If you are reading this and thinking, I am not sure I am slim/attractive/fit enough to join, we strongly urge you to do your best with the photos and apply anyway. What do you have to lose? Our discretion is guaranteed and your photos will not be seen by anyone else.

We look forward to receiving your application!

Any questions before applying? Don’t hesitate to give us a ring.

Suzy & Lisa x

The post Taking Application Photos appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

‘Become an escort and earn £££££s’

You have decided to become an escort. You need the cash to clear those debts; you have done your research and understand what the job entails. As scintillating as your conversation skills may be, you are NOT going to be paid hundreds of pounds just to go out to dinner, you realise there is more to it than that. An escort is always a prostitute/sex worker.

With so many sites offering to sign you up, claiming that you will be earning ££££££s, it is essential that you do your research. Not all of these sites are legitimate – far from it – and those that are bogus have been set up with the sole intention of ripping off men and women who are often already in dire straits financially.

Having heard lots of complaints about unscrupulous website operators taking your money with no intention of providing any service, I have put together this brief guide to help you avoid some very common pitfalls.

Never pay an escort agency a joining fee

Perhaps the most important point I want to emphasise is that a reputable escort agency WILL NOT charge you a joining fee. Instead, they will charge you a commission on any work they get you. This means that they do not get paid until you get paid. Avoid any agency that asks for cash up front and those that require clients to login before they can see any escort details. Some of these agencies advertise 0871, 0844, 0845 etc numbers, so when you call to complain they earn money!

If an escort agency signs you up for free and then asks for money to ‘maximise your profile’, again this would be a time to walk away. A reputable agency may ask you to pay for a professional photo shoot (in which case you would pay the photographer and have ownership of the photos), but would never charge you a fee to add photos to their site. Avoid anyone who does – they are not working for you but for themselves only.

A common trick used by the dodgy agencies is to tell you that they have a job for you….their client is desperate to meet you….but that you need to pay their joining fee first. Don’t be tricked – you will never hear from them again.

Do your research and don’t get conned!

Male escorts and escort agencies

Are you a straight guy who wants to earn some extra money working as a male escort? Getting paid for having sex, great! Almost certainly too good to be true I am afraid – I have yet to meet a straight guy who works in this industry with any success.

So many bogus websites advertise for male escorts because, let’s face it guys, you must be easy targets. You are NOT going to earning a living pleasuring frustrated housewives. If you find a website advertising heavily for male escorts they fall into the ‘bogus avoid!’ category and will charge you a fee somewhere along the line with no chance of a return.

If you really are set on escorting follow the advice below on ‘finding a good agency’ – you are looking for a site that advertises mostly women and only a couple of guys.

Finding a good escort agency

A well advertised agency is a good start. A reputable agency will spend thousands of pounds a year on advertising to ensure that their girls get regular work. You will find various links to the agency website from a variety of well established UK punting directories often with reviews if the agency is well established. You will not be charged to join!

A good agency site will be created with the client in mind rather than the escort – that is, the site will place great emphasis on selling escort services and a little on recruitment. Escort photos and details will be publicly accessible without the need for a site login.

Expect to be invited to interview! A good agent will have a regular client base and a reputation to keep up. They will want to see you in the flesh, get an idea about your personality, talk you through what is involved etc. Be up front with them from the start, do not tell them you are 28 when you are 38 or send them photos that are 10 years old.

Last but not least, remember there is no such thing as a non-sexual escort agency. Men do not pay hundreds of pounds to buy you dinner or take you to the theatre. Anyone telling you they run a no-sex escort agency IS A SCAMMER.

When it comes to ‘social’ escorting, these are the sort of people you will ALWAYS be dealing with: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/bogus-escort-agency-gang-facing-1971486. For every Tony Muldoon they jail, another ten are waiting to step into his shoes.

The post Escort Agency Scams appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood – Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

Women get a hard time when it comes to age. It seems that nowadays we are past our prime if we are over 25, pushing it when we get over 30 and God knows what the deal is when we get to 40. May as well chuck us in a skip. The whole world wide women fight aging with snake oils, creams, injections, fillers and surgery. Growing old naturally may soon be a thing of the past. And it’s hardly any wonder, with the pressure heaped on us to stay wrinkle-free, skinny and keep our tits up under our noses for as long as possible.

Why am I talking about age in this blog? I suspect there is an assumption when it comes to the sex industry that firstly, all the punters seek very young women (say 18-25), and secondly, that to be be a sex worker with any real success you have to be ‘young’. So my purpose with this blog is to tell you that this assumption is wrong. Very wrong in fact.

As Britain’s Premier Madam (a title I have admittedly awarded myself), I can tell you with absolutely honesty that I would have a great deal of difficulty finding work for an 18 year old. A 21 year old would also prove tough. In fact, for every lady I have ever employed under the age of say 23/24, I have spent many hours on the phone to clients trying to justify why they should consider seeing someone so young.

Why might that be you wonder? Well, contrary to how you may view the average user of prostitutes, the age range of whom tends to be mid forties to mid sixties, they are overwhelmingly normal chaps many of whom aren’t too keen on the idea of fucking a girl young enough to be their daughter or even…gulp…granddaughter. They also aren’t too keen on spending hours in the company of a woman so much younger than them that they have nothing in common, no shared interests and nothing to talk about. For an escort – client meeting to be a success, there needs to be a connection, which in turns relies on heavily on some shared life experiences.

As Lisa and I have grown older, and as Elite Courtesans has grown older, we have adopted a policy of not employing girls under 21 at all. And anyone under the age of say 24/25 really needs to show a certain level of maturity beyond her years. Not trying to be patronizing here, but we’ve all been that age and remember feeling like we knew everything, when in fact, we still knew very little. Personally, at age 36 I am only recently started to feel that I know myself and the world properly. But maybe that’s just me. I always was a slow learner.

At our agency and catering to our client base (which is really quite large), the most popular ladies have tended to be over the age of 28 with my three all-time most popular escorts to date being over 40. My explanation for this is the older and more experienced us humans get, the better we understand other humans. And in this industry, the better we understand other humans and can empathise with them, the more successful we will be.

So if you are a lady 30 plus, 40 plus or even 50 plus and are thinking, am I too told to be an escort? No, you’re not. I dare say there is work for you whatever your age, though we may be getting into some sketchy niche stuff eventually. But hey, if it pays the bills, who really cares?

Suzy x

_{* I nicked the title to this blog from one of the most beautiful and mesmerising songs ever written. Have a listen.}

The post A Lady of a Certain Age appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

‘Become an escort and earn £££££s’

You have decided to become an escort. You need the cash to clear those debts; you have done your research and understand what the job entails. As scintillating as your conversation skills may be, you are NOT going to be paid hundreds of pounds just to go out to dinner, you realise there is more to it than that. An escort is always a prostitute/sex worker.

With so many sites offering to sign you up, claiming that you will be earning ££££££s, it is essential that you do your research. Not all of these sites are legitimate – far from it – and those that are bogus have been set up with the sole intention of ripping off men and women who are often already in dire straits financially.

Having heard lots of complaints about unscrupulous website operators taking your money with no intention of providing any service, I have put together this brief guide to help you avoid some very common pitfalls.

Never pay an escort agency a joining fee

Perhaps the most important point I want to emphasise is that a reputable escort agency WILL NOT charge you a joining fee. Instead, they will charge you a commission on any work they get you. This means that they do not get paid until you get paid. Avoid any agency that asks for cash up front and those that require clients to login before they can see any escort details. Some of these agencies advertise 0871, 0844, 0845 etc numbers, so when you call to complain they earn money!

If an escort agency signs you up for free and then asks for money to ‘maximise your profile’, again this would be a time to walk away. A reputable agency may ask you to pay for a professional photo shoot (in which case you would pay the photographer and have ownership of the photos), but would never charge you a fee to add photos to their site. Avoid anyone who does – they are not working for you but for themselves only.

A common trick used by the dodgy agencies is to tell you that they have a job for you….their client is desperate to meet you….but that you need to pay their joining fee first. Don’t be tricked – you will never hear from them again.

Do your research and don’t get conned!

Male escorts and escort agencies

Are you a straight guy who wants to earn some extra money working as a male escort? Getting paid for having sex, great! Almost certainly too good to be true I am afraid – I have yet to meet a straight guy who works in this industry with any success.

So many bogus websites advertise for male escorts because, let’s face it guys, you must be easy targets. You are NOT going to earning a living pleasuring frustrated housewives. If you find a website advertising heavily for male escorts they fall into the ‘bogus avoid!’ category and will charge you a fee somewhere along the line with no chance of a return.

If you really are set on escorting follow the advice below on ‘finding a good agency’ – you are looking for a site that advertises mostly women and only a couple of guys.

Finding a good escort agency

A well advertised agency is a good start. A reputable agency will spend thousands of pounds a year on advertising to ensure that their girls get regular work. You will find various links to the agency website from a variety of well established UK punting directories often with reviews if the agency is well established. You will not be charged to join!

A good agency site will be created with the client in mind rather than the escort – that is, the site will place great emphasis on selling escort services and a little on recruitment. Escort photos and details will be publicly accessible without the need for a site login.

Expect to be invited to interview! A good agent will have a regular client base and a reputation to keep up. They will want to see you in the flesh, get an idea about your personality, talk you through what is involved etc. Be up front with them from the start, do not tell them you are 28 when you are 38 or send them photos that are 10 years old.

Last but not least, remember there is no such thing as a non-sexual escort agency. Men do not pay hundreds of pounds to buy you dinner or take you to the theatre. Anyone telling you they run a no-sex escort agency IS A SCAMMER.

Help! I’ve been scammed by a bogus escort agency, can I get my money back?

No, you aren’t going to get your money back. What you must do though is report the scam to Action Fraud, and you can do so here. The reason these scam agencies get away with it for so long is that not enough people report them. When enough people report, the Police will make an arrest and the people running the bogus agencies will go to prison. So if you want to make sure the fraudster gets their comeuppance for robbing you of your hard-earned money, report them. Don’t be embarrassed to do so.

The post Escort Agency Scams appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

There have been some BIG rumblings in the world of sex work recently. In fact, in the whole time I have been involved in this industry, both as a sex worker and as an agency owner, right now seems to be a time of potential change – people are sitting up and taking notice. Why? What’s happening? Let me explain.

In June last year, Northern Ireland made the purchase of sex a criminal offence, something at odds with the rest of the UK. The lawmakers in NI decided that this would shift the burden of criminality from sex workers to their clients. Their hope was that by making the customer the criminal, demand would be reduced.

This new law, which paid no attention to the viewpoints of sex workers themselves, has turned out to be ill-thought and dangerous. By criminalising the buyers, the law makers in Northern Ireland have made it much harder for sex workers to keep themselves safe, while not significantly reducing the demand for their services. Customers who would previously have handed over their personal information to facilitate security checks, will no longer do so. Customers who used traceable mobile phones, will no longer do so. They will not use email or bookings forms. Customers no longer feel safe using Adultwork – a website that allows them to gain reviews, so sex workers know they have behaved respectably with their colleagues. Men understandably no longer want to risk being traced, and so the law is driving the industry underground.

These men still come for sex, but the providers now have no idea who they are dealing with. They are opening their doors completely blind to what awaits them. Worse still, it’s a law that the PSNI do not have the resources to actually Police, meaning very few arrests have been made anyway. It is a thoroughly dangerous waste of time.

I guess we mustn’t forget that these are the same law makers who would rather Irish women haemorrhage away their unwanted pregnancy in the toilet of an easy-jet plane from Liverpool to Belfast, than give them access to safe and legal abortion services in their own country. Bearing that in mind, it should come as no surprise that they have passed a law which sits well with their religious zealotry, while putting women in physical danger. Anyway, I digress.

Northern Ireland isn’t the only country to adopt the ‘Sex Buyer Law’, otherwise known as the Nordic Model. This law can also be seen in Sweden, Norway, Iceland and very recently, France. The women trying to make ends meet as sex workers in all these countries are in my thoughts frequently – it must be a terrifying.

Back to Britain, and campaigners are now trying to get the same law passed here. The so called ‘End Demand’ campaigners and their prohibitionist supporters (antis) are a funny bunch: viewing the industry as entirely exploitative, referring to customers as rapists, and vastly inflating trafficking and forced prostitution statistics. They cite research based predominantly on street based prostitution, an unquestionably dangerous yet small part of the industry in the UK, in an effort to criminalize all buyers of sex.

Despite an overwhelming number of sex workers telling the antis that they work consensually and that their clients are generally nice guys, sex workers are being ignored, silenced, ridiculed or accused of ulterior motives. The antis trot out cherry-picked testimonies from supposed former prostitutes speaking of the horrors they encountered that, for anyone working within the industry, seem one-sided and in some cases, downright lies. It’s quite astonishing and needs highlighting: prohibitionist campaigners, many of whom claim to be feminists, speak over and not for sex workers. Frankly, the whole campaign is bizarre and if it succeeds, will endanger far more women than it protects.

So what is the legal situation over here? Firstly and most importantly, the selling and buying of sex is NOT illegal in Britain, unless it is done on the street or in a public place. It only becomes illegal if the person selling sex is under 18 or is forced into doing so. The law in this regard is good and proper and right. Under-age or forced prostitution is rape and should always be punished. If a customer has any doubts whether a girl is over 18 or working consensually, he should leave and make a report to the Police.

The above notwithstanding, some activities relating to sex work are illegal in Britain. Brothel-keeping is the obvious one. It is illegal, in Britain, for two or more women to work together in a house or flat. If they do, they can be arrested and charged. This is perhaps the most dangerous aspect of current British legislation. Incalls – where the customer visits the sex worker – are already a high risk encounter, so the law makers insisting a sex worker MUST open her door to that customer on her own, and have no one else is the premises as a backup, is thoroughly damaging and has resulted in many women being subjected to a violent and terrifying end. It is a law that needs urgent review and decriminalisation.

What about Elite and other escort agencies? Technically, because I run an agency I could be arrested, charged and find myself in crown court, falling foul of the same laws that are there to protect the trafficked and coerced women referred to earlier from violent, abusive and manipulative pimps. According to the CPS website, my prison sentence could range from 26 weeks to 2 years.

The ladies I represent, who range in age from their twenties to their fifties, come from all sorts of backgrounds. Many are mothers seeking to supplement their income by seeing a few customers a week. I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog: I have represented nurses, teachers, soldiers, PAs, accountants and anything and everything in between. The women I represent are hard-working entrepreneurs. Sex is a commodity they are happy to sell, and for the most part they enjoy their job, just as I do. Sure there’s the odd stinky bastard that gets you questioning the work, and sometimes all you really want to do is cancel your booking, stay in, put your feet up and watch X Factor, but you get on with it just like any other job. Every year all us Elite ladies get together and have a Christmas party, just like you do in your job. We eat, drink far too much wine, talk bollocks and make fools of ourselves on the dance floor. We all have a good little thing going on at Elite and many of the ladies have been with me, entirely consensually, for years. Since Elite started trading in 2007, the company has paid hundreds of thousands of pounds into the Crown’s coffers in corporation tax and VAT.

I want to stress this point: while there are undoubtedly women who find this industry tough and do the job out of sheer desperation, there are many more of us that don’t give a second thought about having sex with strangers for cash. We don’t see our job as any different to how you see your job. It’s a means to an end and it doesn’t damage us. Being told by people who have no understanding of us or our work that we are being raped and exploited sits somewhere between laughable and thoroughly insulting. Not only that, it’s damaging to women who really are experiencing those things. Our customers are, on the whole, pleasant, kind and respectful. Contrary to the harm figures peddled by the antis, in 10 years and thousands upon thousands of bookings, I have never ever had a lady abused (verbally or physically), assaulted or raped by a customer. The reason for this, I am certain, is because I am able to vet our customers. Customers who mean my ladies no harm can hand over their personal details and proof of ID to me without fear of prosecution. If you take away my ability to vet potential customers, you take away my ability to keep the ladies safe.

Despite the fact that the government’s refusal to decriminalise escort agencies works in my favour by keeping competition low and poor quality, I would love to see the law changed. Why? Well, while there are other well-run agencies like mine out there, there are of course bad agencies too. The bad, often male, agency bosses who like to ‘try out the goods’, ferry girls to and from bookings through the night and encourage them to take drugs. If you want to weed these fuckers out, the ones who really do exploit women, decriminalise the industry. No amount of criminalisation will get rid of them. They are, after all, criminals.

It’s really tough for sex workers to speak out in favour of the industry that feeds us, clothes us and pays our bills. To go public, we risk shame and stigma. And what about our children in the school playground? Generally, we keep quiet and keep our heads down. A few brave ladies are speaking out though, and one of particular note is sex worker Laura Lee who, quite incredibly, is battling the Irish law makers in the high court. Laura is funding this action herself, and I would urge all sex workers and their clients to consider donating to her cause: https://www.gofundme.com/3rikpo. I have not donated, as I have noted that the anti campaigners are constantly and rather slanderously accusing Laura of being funded by pimps. We’ve already established that the antis are a bunch of fucking idiots, and while I don’t see myself as a pimp, they will, so I cannot donate to Laura and give them further ammunition.

Another very important thing to do is to email your MP and register your support for the full decriminalisation of sex work: http://www.parliament.uk/mps-lords-and-offices/mps/. Prostitution laws are being discussed by a home affairs select committee right now, and we must make our voices heard. We must make them understand that no amount of criminalisation will stop the sex industry, and that all they will succeed in doing by passing the Sex Buyer Law is sending more of us to an early grave. Please please send your MP an email.

If you’ve stumbled across this blog and you’re not involved in the sex industry as a worker or customer, I urge you to support this cause anyway: donate to Laura and email your MP. There’s a very good chance someone you know and love is a sex worker. We are everywhere, and we are incredibly good at hiding what we do from everyone around us. Please help us to stay safe.

Further reading:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/feb/05/sex-worker-activist-laura-lee-northern-ireland-law-challenge-interview

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/sex-workers-don-t-need-anti-prostitution-zealots-to-save-them-the-rescue-industry-is-now-doing-more-a6895516.html

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/may/10/belle-de-jour-author-mps-prostitution-laws-brooke-magnanti

The post Prostitution, the Law and the UK appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Hello chaps. Not sure what to call this post really so I think i’ll go with a polite notice.

As you are aware, Elite Courtesans has been operating for just shy of a decade now, and in that time we have never raised our rates, despite constantly raising both our standards and the quality of the ladies we represent.

Lisa and I are confident that we run one of the best agencies in the UK, both inside and outside of London, and we feel that in order to keep bringing you the very best escorts we need to be a little more competitive from their point of view.

As you know the ladies spend a small fortune on the finest lingerie, treat you like a king for the 2/3/4/12 hours you book them, travel long distances often late into the night and still find time to hold down wonderful daytime careers. They pay their commission to us (which is very reasonable I should add), their tax to the HMRC, shed loads of fuel VAT to the Chancellor and we want to make sure they are left with a decent amount in their pocket at the end of each month. After all, we don’t want them running off to agencies that charge you six million pounds per hour.

So from 1st September 2016, our charging structure will be as follows. As you can see, it’s a modest increase but one that will make a big difference to the girls over each month:

2 hours – £400
3 hours – £550
4 hours – £700
5 hours – £850
Overnight (12 hours) – £1300

Bookings with couples (as in kinky husbands and wives) will still attract an additional £50 fee on top of the above.

Duo, trio etc bookings, will still be two times, three times and above rates and so on.

Payments are still to be made in cash to the girls at the start of each booking. And Lisa and I will be reminding everyone of the rate increase for bookings made from 1st September onwards.

Any questions? Please ask. Any comments? Please let me know.

Suzy x

The post New Rates from September 2016 appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I’ve woken up this morning to find our Twitter account has been suspended. No idea why as yet, but I have emailed support to find out what’s going on.

We’ve been tweeting for 8 years and, as far as I can work out, we haven’t violated any Twitter rules so hopefully this will be short lived suspension.

Meanwhile, I will be tweeting from my personal twitter @BigSuzyM with agency updates…unless of course they kill that one too.

So this is just  heads up – I know a lot of you follow the agency on Twitter.

If you are rightly outraged by this injustice, feel free to protest outside Twitter HQ (or whatever).

Suzy x

UPDATE 21/12:

It’s back! Thank you Twitter.

Some snivelling cock-womble must have complained about our profile picture (the three arses of Taylor, Jessica and Daniella).

The post Suspended Twitter Account appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Welcome to Suzy M’s blog. I am one of the owners of Elite Courtesans – a job I cherish but which, on any given day, can be responsible for a range of emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other. We have tears, tantrums, sorrow, happiness, anger, excitement and, most importantly, lots of laughter. It’s not your typical day job.

I thought I would devote my first post to a bit of background information. Those of you who speak to myself and Lisa (the other owner) on a regular basis may be interested after all.

Lisa and I met some time in 2006 – I can’t remember exactly when, but it was definitely summer….it was bloody hot. We both worked as indies in between lazing our days away sunbathing in our back gardens. I couldn’t make a promised outcall appointment with a regular and as she worked the same area as me, I contacted Lisa and asked her to go on my behalf. She went along and later thanked me for sending her to ‘a massive minger’ (oddly, I didn’t think he was that bad, horses for courses I suppose). And so a friendship blossomed.

Both quite skilled with computers, web design and internet generally, Lisa suggested that we start an escort agency. I was hesitant. Generally in life i’m not a risk taker. I’m one of those slovenly people who likes to sit back and let good stuff find me, rather than the other way round. Plus, it was summer, and I was busy lying bikini clad in my back garden, reading Neil Gaiman books and annoying my neighbour’s wife.

Lisa was persistent. Where as I had grown up in a middle class area of Bristol, a city once given the amusing though wildly misleading tagline ‘crack, smack and Massive Attack’ by a friend, Lisa hails from an altogether different place. Brazil to be exact. If you’re thinking of bare footed children running around Favelas waving guns then you’re not alone. And though her childhood was far from that picture, she certainly comes from a land where hard work is the only way most people can survive.

And so Elite Courtesans was born and the hard graft really began. *Cue Violins* We are now glued to our PCs, we carry 3 phones everywhere, we are awake far more than we are asleep, our families have to schedule visits 3 months in advance and we manage a large gaggle of girls to the degree of accuracy that, if they were airplanes, air traffic control at Heathrow couldn’t match.

Every now and then I question why I gave up escorting. After all, the money was better, hours were less, I got to meet lots of interesting people and to visit some fabulous places. But then I remember the endless dieting, trips to the gym and general body maintenance. I remember the wankers and smelly clients. The cheapskates and the cunts (groups the Elite girls are spared due to our now advanced – CIA level – telephone interrogation skills).

These days, if i’m honest, i’m happy just looking and acting Mrs Average – I think it suits me much better. Plus Elite Courtesans has now blossomed from a petulant child who was some days happy and some days sad, into the most beautiful and contented young woman. With massive knockers to boot.

The post Crack, Smack and Massive Attack appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I’m writing this post from the position that a) you’re an escort and b) you don’t want your family and friends knowing that you’re an escort. I’ve listed some tips below that i’ve picked up over the last few years on keeping your personal and professional lives as separate as possible in a world of smart phones and intrusive social media apps.

The important thing to remember is that social media companies are desperate to link you to other people. That’s their main purpose. And they go to great lengths to do it with various clauses in their terms and conditions which you will undoubtedly never read. They track your calls, your messages, your contacts, the locations you visit and they even pick out key words in conversations you are having. I’m referring to that conversation between you and your mum as you sat enjoying a cup of tea last week, with your phone on the table within earshot. I am not talking about the content of phone calls (though it wouldn’t surprise me if they listen to those too).

Unless you are never ever going to sign up to any of these apps – even just for a sneaky peak – I would urge you to read and action the tips below.

FACEBOOK

Facebook (who also own WhatsApp, Instagram and many other companies) are a nightmare when it comes to harvesting data from your phone and desperately trying to link you to others via their social media platform.

That client you rang from your personal phone (being careful to with withhold your number first) to ask for directions on where to park? Yep, he will be coming up in your suggested friends some time soon, or worse, you’ll be coming up in his. Perhaps you chat to your clients on WhatsApp from your business phone, and one time logged into your personal Facebook, Instagram or one of the many other apps they own from the same phone? Yep, they’ve got you linked.

Because it’s near enough impossible NOT to get linked in this day and age, my view is that the best approach is to lock down your personal social media, rather than try and out smart the smartphones.

Firstly, check every Facebook setting and secure your account like you’re a Russian spy on the run from Putin. Limit all past posts so that they can be viewed by friends only, and make sure all future posts are friends only. Once you’ve done that, the most important thing you can do as sex worker who values your anonymity is below.

Do not have an identifying profile photo or header photo on your personal Facebook account. Your face should not be visible in either of these photos, ever. Essentially your aim is that when you are shown to a client as a potential Facebook friend, he does not recognise you and scrolls right on by. If he recognises you, he now knows your name, where you live and work and depending on how careful you are with your data, he can see your friends and family too. All because you called him to ask for directions.

I have even gone so far as to remove my surname from my Facebook account, instead entering something rather more random. Yes this breaches their terms and conditions and is a bit odd for my family and friends, but it’s an extra level of security for me and it works very well.

TWITTER

Ah Twitter, the one social media network that (currently) lets escorts go about their daily business without too much fuss. What’s not so obvious though is that the Twitter app for your smartphone is an intrusive little shitbag and if you create your sex worker Twitter account via said app, and you are not very quick and careful to nail down the settings, it will go through all the contacts in your phone and send any who hold a Twitter account a push notification to let them know you’ve done so. Trust me, ‘Your Contact has Joined Twitter as @SuzyTheSlut is not a notification you want sent to your dad’s phone.

If you are a sex worker, the best and safest advice is do not create your Twitter account via the app. Do it via a web browser, in incognito mode, and do not enter your personal email or phone number – enter your escort number and email instead. Following on from this, if you are going to use the app once you’ve created the account, install it on your escort phone only and do not have any personal contacts saved in that phone. Keep those contacts strictly business.

Despite these precautions, it is still likely that by logging into the Twitter app will try and link you to others you know in real life by bringing them up as suggested friends. I regularly get my real life friends coming up as suggestions in the Elite Courtesans Twitter account, despite me meticulously keeping my business and personal phones separate. Meh. God knows how they do it. Occasionally I ring my personal phone from the agency phone when I can’t find it, for example, it may well be they are linking me in that way.

So the same advice applies as to Facebook, do not have any face or identifiable photos in your sex worker Twitter account. A locked escort Twitter account – while an option – isn’t necessarily the best for business, so instead police your timeline carefully and make sure you don’t post anything that could out you to your friends or loved ones.

The very best advice I can give you when it comes to Twitter, is to sign up to https://www.tweetdelete.net/ and make sure your tweets are automatically deleted after a period of time (a few months or so). Tweets only really have any value in the right here and now, so not having them sitting there forever is sensible and won’t cause your business any harm. Plenty of people trawl old tweets, including government agencies keen to make sure you’ve declared all of your income (which I am sure you all have).

In the case of personal Twitter accounts, best advice is to keep them locked with no face photos on your profile or header.

Instagram

My personal favourite app! I was so cheesed off when Zuckerberg got his mitts on it. Locked account. No face photo as profile. Make sure the number and email you link it to has nothing to do with your escort profile. Do not install the app on the phone you use to take calls from clients, or make calls to clients. Instagram does seem less problematic overall currently, but this will change.

So in conclusion, if you are one of the many people out there who’s let their vanity run riot on social media (probably 95% of us), and you also happen to work in the sex industry and would rather like to keep that a secret, it’s time to reassess your relationship with it all. Yes, I know you want to show the world where you went on holiday or what wonderful clean eating meal you cooked yourself for lunch, but it’s best to keep your circle small and private, at least while your escort persona is alive and kicking. The impact of being outed can be devastating and in some cases dangerous. Even if you’re not worried about yourself, the impact on your children can be so very tough, and always something to keep in mind. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is, and you must be careful.

What tips do you have when it comes to social media? If i’ve missed anything, feel free to leave your thoughts as a comment.

The post Unsocial Media – A Guide for Escorts appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

I created an infographic a few weeks ago to add to Twitter. It would be a shame for our non-Twitter readers (most of you I expect), not to see it. So adding it here as well. Tanoshī.

The post The Languages of the Ladies of the Twilight appeared first on Elite Courtesans.